Last Words

A friend of mine has been totally cut out of her father’s will. Her sister has been named executrix, and it looks like my friend will get nothing but bitter memories from her father’s estate. I cannot understand the reason a parent would purposely cut one of their offspring out of their inheritance. Who would do such a thing? What an awful message to send a person! It is awful to say to your own child, “I hate you SO MUCH that I am not leaving you anything.”

Remarkably, this is exactly what happened to my friend. She struggles with staying sober, and had asked for financial help from her father while going through separation proceedings with her untrue (i.e. cheating on her) husband of 20 years. When I look at her I see a beautiful, highly intelligent woman who has always underestimated her value and worth. She had the unfortunate childhood of that of an abused child with two alcoholic, insane parents. She has been traumatized for life. She is fragile and beautiful, unable to stand on her own, right now, needing to be propped up from one direction or another. It is tragic to witness. She has such merit! She has such a sensitivity and intellect as I have never seen. She constantly volunteers to help animals. If only she could help herself!

What a despicable world we live in, that pushes down the most brilliant of us, degrading us until we feel that we are worthless. But it isn’t the world, is it? It is the parent that tortures the child because they feel that the child outshines them. The child has the world ahead of them and may accomplish great things the parent wishes they had done. Many of these desires are not even recognized by the abusive parent. They are too busy hating and projecting their insecurities onto the child.  The envy and jealousy of a demented parent is a hard thing to overcome. I know from my own experience that one hateful parent can really screw you up for life.

I get really concerned about my friend, she is a mirror of where I used to be. It was only a few years ago that I felt suicidal and hopeless. Unsure of myself, I depended on the external to prop me up.I would rather be co-dependent with a loser boyfriend than sober and work on my emotional pain. Now, I am pretty much comfortable with myself as I am.Three years now, no boyfriend anywhere in sight.  Nothing is around to distract me from ME.  It doesn’t matter that I wear the same four wrinkled outfits, week after week. I gave up on wearing makeup a long time ago. It took too long to put on, and my time was better spent meditating for more long-term effects. What in the world has happened to me? At least I laugh frequently. You don’t expect me to take this life seriously, do you?  The material world can go to hell as far as I am concerned. The process of selling everything of value that I own to pay my legal fees to become my father’s guardian has become my mission.  At first, it was difficult to part with some of my “treasures,” things I had carted from home to home, and was so proud to own. Owning suddenly became less important.  Now, I view my “stuff” as a burden. It is all a burden if I don’t use it daily. There is so much that I don’t need anymore. Sure, it is tempting to buy something just because I want it, and I am not saying that I will deny myself the glory of spending my money that way I want to (eventually.)  I began sewing patches on my worn clothes, to continue to wear them and sell the best pieces. My siblings don’t know where I get the money to continue fighting them to protect my father. They are so ready for him to die, they can’t stand it. Their focus is on the money, while mine is on his comfort.

Our father was a generous man. He paid our college tuition, bought us cars, and generally speaking, we had everything materially that we wanted growing up. It blows my mind that a father would totally cut a child out of their will. Why? What misery makes a person do that?

Looking at it from my perspective, I think my friend’s father hated himself so much, that he wanted to inflict that same pain onto her, his oldest child. What a disappointment he must have had to realize that she would have a life-long struggle with alcoholism. This illness was put there by his genes, she didn’t cause it on her own. It is hateful that the world views alcoholism as a lack of willpower or morality! If life wasn’t so painful, none of us would drink! Didn’t the Buddha tell us that life is painful? Damn straight, he did! I knew long before I read about it in scientific journals that the brain’s pathways are changed by trauma, and especially the brain of an infant’s growing up in trauma of a dysfunctional family. Another of my other friends has multiple personalities. He said, “Imagine if you aren’t safe with your primary caregiver? Your parent?” On the outside, he seems normal enough, he had a job, hobbies, regular looking, hard-working guy. But on the inside he had demons I’ve never met, that challenged his very existence.

If my girlfriend was a diabetic, and had gone into the hospital due to diabetic shock, would her father have cut her out of the will then? Lets all get honest about this. Is alcoholism a real disease or not? I am sorry, but plain old affirmations didn’t get me sober, and I doubt it would cure a diabetic, either. BTW a lot of type II adult onset diabetes can be avoided by exercise and diet. So actually, my brother’s coke-a-cola swigging and chocolate eating contributed to his disease. Didn’t he play a major role in that? No one is shaming him, are they?  Something is wrong here. Am I the only one who sees that?

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